For the beginning half - Well, more like 80% - of my life I didn’t exactly see being an artist as a blessing. I struggled with things that the people around me seemed to pick up quickly. Sure, I could sing but what good was that going to actually do? It wasn’t gunna get me a well-paying job or earn me much respect. Or at least that’s how it felt at the time. I was never motivated by letter grades, and even if I had been, it would take me 2 hours to do an assignment that most kids could do in a fraction of the time. I remember telling my mom that I hated being a singer. Looking back, it appears that I spent a lot of time running away from what I knew I was: an artist - an observer. I tried so hard to be part of everything going around me, but I felt a whole lot more comfortable watching it all then writing about it alone in my room. Obviously that made it pretty hard to be “involved” in High School. I am, and always have been, painfully aware that my ability to communicate with people in a social setting is pales in comparison to performing my own music. That can make me pretty socially awkward at times. Which is only more of a reason to have mixed feelings about that very key part of who I am.
I find it interesting and heartbreaking at the same time that so many artists feel the same way. Why is it so easy to feel like being an artist is a giant inconvenience? The world needs us! We make people feel something. Do you know how hard it is to get people to feel things? Harder than it should be. I could sit here and type an essay about world hunger - but until you’re looking at a photo of a starving African child, it’ll hardly get through to you. That’s what artists are here for - without them, the world would be pretty insensitive. And yet we see such a decline of the arts in schools and just in society in general. It makes it pretty difficult to be a songwriter, painter, photographer etc. etc… But the fact is that we deal with the condition of the human soul, which is the basis for everything else in this world. And I mean everything.
So yes, it takes a lot of courage to embrace your inner artistic weirdo… But we have to. I know it’s hard to play gigs that are 3 hours long and feel like no one is listening to you. It’s really hard to get your songs shot down in a critique, and even harder when you don’t sell as many records as you thought. It completely sucks to be consistently put into situations where you feel inadequate. All of those things come with being an artist. But it makes for a couple great new songs, which hopefully makes for a couple more smiles, a couple more tears, and a little handful of anything besides apathy.
It has taken me a long time to realize that I bring something truly valuable to the world, even though, as an artist, I don’t save lives - in the literal sense… It’s something I still struggle with. I’m lucky to have people around me who support me and remind me that what I do is important. I know not everyone has that, and it breaks my heart. So that’s why I’m writing this and putting it out there. I hope it helps somebody out in some way.
Tata for now! And please do keep reading :) xoxo